9 weeks

So I'm in my 9th week this week and feeling pretty miserable. I have been getting off of my meds (anti-depressants I've been on for anxiety issues since Jr high) and that's been the hardest thing. I'm almost completely weaned off and surviving the with-drawls. I just didn't want to be on any prescriptions this time just to be on the safe side.
 Well it looks like I'm about to go world wide on letting this blog go public and sharing this pregnancy with everyone since looking at me you can already see a belly! I guess with this being my 3rd pregnancy and only 10 months post partum of having Tucker, I look pretty pregnant. Enough that people are noticing at work. Only one courageous customer (in my opinion) said, "oh a baby is coming!" I was like oh um yes. I put in blame of the maternity looking shirt I was wearing, but none the less, it's becoming more and more obvious. Next appointment is the 27th, so I will update again then! Everyone have a nice Christmas!
 Baby in 9th week:

7 weeks

So Monday the 29th I went in for a sonogram to hear the heartbeat for the very first time. No many how many times I've heard my babys' heartbeat it never gets old, and makes my heart so full of joy. It's just still so bitter sweet, because I've always heard my baby's heartbeat on the inside... but never on the out. They're always so healthy and full of life in my tummy but never in my arms. I just hope and pray this little one's heart never stops until long after mine stops. The day I've dreamt of forever, the day I hold my baby in my arms and hear them crying and looking back at me, is a feeling I set in my life as "the best feeling in the world". It's weird because I don't even know how I'll feel because all I know is holding my baby in my arms and saying goodbye. The desire to feel the complete opposite has built up so much since I found out I was expecting Jayden back in 2006 I don't even know if I will know how to feel it once it's here. I'm really thinking about video taping that moment so that I can relive it as many times as I want! I feel really different this time and just really want to take this pregnancy and birth to give God the glory from not only me but from everyone who sees it as well. But we will praise Him either way, just as we have before.
  -Magen

Why I created this blog

The reason I created this blog is because I feel like I've been so blessed to have the chance to try again to bring another baby into this world and I want to share every moment with everyone and anyone . My eyes have been opened to just so much over the past few years and I want other's to know what I've learned and I want to take the opportunity God has created for me to share and hopefully inspire others through my babies.
Over the past nine months since Tucker went to heaven, I have thought, thought and thought some more until I just about drove myself insane. And after much prayer and meditation I came to the conclusion that I wanted to try again. My desire to be a mother is so strong and has been there since I was little, and I just can't see myself giving up. Although I wish everyone could see the faith God built me up with after each lose that lead me to the place I am today, I can only try to find the words to express through each blog as we go along this next seven months together.
When I lost Tucker my first thought was to run away and go through my next pregnancy with JD without having to "put" everyone through this heartbreak again if it happened. But as I thought about it more and more there was many reasons why this wouldn't work. Many people have entered this journey and felt my joy, discouragement, heartbreak, and courage to try again each time pregnancy came and went. At this point the network of people that have heard my story is huge, and I want to make it even bigger... I want to take this opportunity to create the biggest prayer and support network possible. ANYthing is possible with God and he has allowed the devil to win the past two times but the devil will learn soon, if he hasn't already, that this girl doesn't give up and she's got a huge army behind her who won't either! Even though this pregnancy may end in tragedy once again, that's a risk I'm willing to take, and just can't help but take this time to increase other's faith if this little one enters our world. And my oh my will that be a great day to give God the glory, and that's something I don't want to miss out on by putting this pregnancy on the "down low". Isn't that what the devil would want this fear to do to us, hide it and just hope and pray by the skin of our teeth and miss out on bringing everyone along if we succeed, putting all our faith and trust in the Lord... The devil has taken too much it's time to go full throttle and pray like we've never prayed before! Yes, according to this world, our "odds" may not be that high on succeeding with this child, but I can't seem to find God using the word "odds" in his word. If God has planned on this happening it's going to happen no matter our earthly odds.
And finally I have created this blog so that everyone can keep updated all together on my pregnancy, that way I'm not being bombarded with questions, concerns and opinions about it to me or my family. I feel like I have to tell everyone how I feel and "justify" my reasoning behind trying again, but I dont, and that wears me out emotionally. I think it's great for everyone to know why I just don't want to repeat it all 1,000 times this round ;) you understand right....? I look forward to all of you reading my blogs and sending your love and prayers my way!