As I returned from bible class tonight, over an extinsive lesson of prayer from Matthew 7:7-11, it really hit home on what I like to call "my summer" of 2010. Praying became very hard after I prayed every night for my sweet baby Tucker to be healthy, after loosing his big brother tragically from his cord just a few years prior. I thought I "deserved" him after going thru such heartache... Although I wanted His will to be done, let's face it, I didnt want to go through another painful loss. After loosing Tucker as well, just days before his due date, I became utterly confused. How could I learn anything more from going through this again, what is God trying to tell me? "That I'm not meant to be a mom"? "Is my faith being tested even more now?" "Am I simply not listening to God's answer?" During my pregnancy with Noah praying got even harder. I knew I wanted a healthy living baby to take home with me... but was that's God's will or my own want? Some people may have thought, "ok Magen maybe your just not meant to be a mom, give up already!" Yes I considered adoption and I'm all for it, but I just so desperatley wanted a child of my own and for the most part that was physically possible still for me, so i wasn't giving up just yet. Loosing Jayden and Tucker wasn't God saying any of those things; It was all apart of God's plan to get my relationship where it needed to be with Him, and ultimately everyone watching and getting them where they needed to be just in time to see the birth of Noah. From the words of my preacher Mark Roberts, "pain sometimes is a big microphone for us to hear His purpose," and he's so right. And even though our answer may of not been what we wanted the first two times, I believe He will always provide an opportunity for us to grow spiritually and give glory to Him. I believe with any pain you can find purpose and that's the beauty in our God. Mark gave a good example tonight in his lesson; while someone may be praying for a life to be saved after a fatile car wreck, another may be praying for a heart. <3 Someone's ultimately gonna get hurt. I guarantee loosing my boys made someone else hold theirs alittle tighter and hold their patience alittle longer :)
People used to say, "why'd this happen to a loving couple who wanted they're baby while they're is others who have abortions or throw their baby's in the trash..." And if you see it this way you def need to look at the bigger picture of our world and how God is always working in it. If good things only happened to "good" people and bad to bad people, why would we ever need faith? There would no longer be a choice to love and trust God, instead our motive would change to fully self and we wouldn't seek God's will for us. Matthew 5:45 says " for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust." But remember His people have the redemption of sin and ultimately the gift of living eternally in heaven! Don't ever lose sight no matter how bad the view gets here on Earth! After going thru such a tragic event it's now easier to see Gods blessings in my life on day to day things, b/c I notice what could of happened but didn't :) May God bless you!