Have you ever thought about how God shows us His love? Does He only show us He loves us by blessings? People everywhere question God's love when they go through heartbreak. Some even think God is punishing them when bad things happen. Is this really how God works?
Before I buried my first baby, my life was pretty easy. Nothing really "bad" ever happened. For eighteen years I lived never knowing how truly blessed I was. I mean how could I have known much difference? I had always had a pretty surface relationship with my Father in Heaven. I prayed a pretty routine prayer every night thanking Him for my family, home, etc. It wasn't until I knew what hardship really was before I really got down on my knees and sought after my Father. For the first time I really did NEED Him, I always did but didn't know the true meaning until now. Isn't this true of trials? They give us a better perspective of how blessed we really are. WHAT blessing really are.
Although I was still heartbroken and longed for Jayden in my life, I went back to doing what I wanted to do and what I thought brought happiness. I went out with my friends, partied, and danced the night away drowning my sorrow with alcohol, the temporary hider of pain. I still thought I was in control of my life, and I could make me happy again... boy was I so wrong. After getting pregnant with Tucker, I thought, " I did it, I'm going to have a baby and be happy again". I was in control of my happiness, and when were trying to find it through self, it is always temporary. It wasn't until I then buried Tucker that I fell flat on my face knowing I was so wrong in my thinking. I thought I was seeking God's guidance and ways but I was still seeking my own. I don't think I could of been humbled any lower than I was after I knew I couldn't make my dreams come true alone. My praying came down to a whole other level, a level I never knew possible. I began to see God right there by my side, I felt like I was His number one priority even when I knew He was still taking care of the world. I wanted to find peace and happiness so bad, but knew without Him that could never be reached. Sometimes it might not even be reached here on earth, but in Heaven it is always waiting and promised no matter what this lifetime brings us.
After I completely gave my life over to Him and surrendered my own will, He then could truly take over. Who else would we want to put our lives over to other than the one and only who wanted and knew what was completely best for us? I knew I had the choice but He determines the outcome. Life by all means didn't become instantly easy once Noah was born, nor did my problems go away. But He continued to guide me as I continued to trust and seek His will for me. I often wonder if having this relationship with God would of ever even have been possible if it wasn't for the pain and heartache I went through to know and see God's blessing, and hand in my life, that had always been there. If we go through a life where nothing ever goes wrong, then how do we ever truly appreciate, know, or even really see His blessings in ours? How do we know to even seek Him and His guidance and really trust in His word if we never really know to need it?
Today I am thankful for trials. Even though they bring pain and heartache it will always be temporary. Knowing His love and why we live for Him everyday, is worth the outcome. Not only being able to reach contentment in this world no matter what, but ultimately reaching Heaven one day where everyday we scarified our wants for His, will be worth whatever pain we went through. Thank you Lord for loving me and entrusting me with the trials of motherhood I endured to know your love for me. I completely trust You in everything today because of it.
The matter of fact is that we will all go through some trials in life, in all different forms; some in result of bad choices we made, and some in result of just living in a sinful world. Although trial is not a necessity for all to be where they need to be with the Lord, He will defiantly always give you the opportunity to get where you need to be in order to live with Him someday. The choice is yours. How are YOU using your trials today?