What could you handle?

    Growing up my favorite verse in the bible was 1 Corinthians 10:13 which says, "No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it." 

As a young girl I pictured this verse in my head as a scene in a dark alley where I was faced with a sinful situation and no matter what it was there would be a way of escape from God. It seemed like such a simple verse and it was comforting knowing I would never be forced into a sinful choice. But I never knew how hard this verse would be for me to understand as I began my journey into motherhood.

    From the very beginning when Jayden passed away, people always said, "I don't know how you got through it; I would have ________ (fill in the blank with whatever they thought they would do). And for a long time I took this as an insult because it made me feel like they thought it was "easier" for me and that me being so "strong" meant I wasn't as sad as they would be. I used to think in my head, well what do they want me to do, sit here and break down crying every time I told someone what happened, shut myself up in my house and never come out, or maybe turn to drugs or attempt suicide to show everyone really how sad I was inside. Believe me sometimes I wanted to just go off the deep end and give up, but I knew deep down I wouldn't ever reach happiness again or most importantly see my baby in heaven one day if I decided to give up. Please don't think for a minute I didn't make bad choices during my grief because I did, but one thing was for certain, I refused to turn away from the Lord.

    Then when I became pregnant with Tucker I used to think, "well would I be able to get though it if it happened again?" The last night before I found out that indeed I would have to endure this hardship again, I lay in bed praying for Tucker, for he was due any day. As I was praying I questioned God and the verse from 1 Corinthians. I thought to myself, "There's no way I could get through it again if it happened", so did that mean God couldn't let it happen to me again because it would be more than I thought I could handle? As I sat there and prayed, feeling Tucker kicking away in my tummy, I never really came up with an answer to this question and went to sleep. Baby Tucker passed away sometime during my slumber that night. 

     This verse then really started to baffle me and I wondered if there was actually a different personal level of strength for everyone or was it the same? Could one thing happen to one person because they could handle it and not to another because they couldn't? Or did we all have the same ability to overcome something? 

    It took me several years and following the birth of my son Noah when I decided on the answer to this question. First of all, no, I was not stronger than others who didn't go through the same thing. God didn't allow me to go through losing two of my children in almost identical ways just to test my personal strength. Sometimes we suffer from hardships through a consequence we made by choice, and yes even though I chose to get pregnant, the death of my babies wasn't in my control. God allowed me and many others to go through unthinkable things because He knew the greatness that could come from it within us and through others. Guess what, we ALL have the same choice, and with God there is always a way of escape, a way to come out a better person, closer to Him and closer to Heaven. Yes there are many different factors that go into a person's life and yes I had many, many supporters and love during the death of my sons. That's one thing many do not have and I can defiantly say that it makes it harder for someone without loving support and prayers. But it does not change the outcome of reality or the pain they feel in their heart; no matter how "good" they have it physically. No matter your circumstance or place in life, God will make available all the tools you personally need to overcome temptation through any situation. It's up to YOU to use them and no situation exists that you wouldn't be able to overcome without God, how I know, because God says so in 1 Corinthians 10:13. So guess what, that verse is still my favorite verse and I am ever so thankful for the choice we have that no one or thing on this earth can take away from us. So next time you wonder how you'll ever get through whatever hardship in your life, remember it's up to YOU and with God you always can.